The One Where Joey Loves Rachel
by SereneLy512
Summary: NOW FINISHED! J/R fic. Hardcore R/R fans, don't read this if you don't like the idea of J/R...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! -=o]
1. Default Chapter

The One Where Joey Loves Rachel...  
  
By Serenely  
  
Okay, this is actually a slight remake of TOW Joey tells Rachel. All is basically the same as the episode, except for the end when they're at the restaurant. This is basically for JnR fans, and is more dramatized than the actual genre of "FRIENDS". I'm focusing on the conflict and the plot of the story, not the actual personalities of the characters. However, I'm trying my best to make my characterizations as similar to the real show as possible.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of these characters...but how cool would it be if I did?  
  
This time the restaurant wasn't as crowded as it was the night Joey and Rachel went on their "date." Perhaps because it was a Tuesday night, and the people of Manhattan usually valued the serenity of their own homes after a long day of work. The waiter came and went: politely taking their drink orders, their entrée requests, and finally handing them their check. Although Joey had seemed his sweet self throughout the evening, he hadn't said much more than a few words. Rachel had been the one trying to carry on the conversation. She had sensed an unfamiliar nervousness about him, but she didn't quite know what to make of it.  
  
It was a little after 9 when a slow, simple ballad began to play in the background. Casually, couples rose from their tables and the ladies were escorted to the dance floor by their men. The fleeting looks of enlightenment that were painted on the swaying pairs made Rachel's heart twinge longingly. She couldn't remember the last time she slow danced. Joey watched her carefully, debating whether or not he should ask her to dance. He waited for her to say something, trying to test his confidence.  
  
As Rachel's eyes wandered over the dance floor, she noticed an older couple, both lovingly enveloped in each other. It was amazing to her. "God, that is so beautiful and romantic," she whispered as she watched the husband kiss his wife's hand. "After so many years, they're still in love..." Joey knew it was now or never.  
  
"Umm, hey Rach...would you...like to dance?" asked Joey shyly.  
  
"Dance? Me? Wow...umm...am I allowed to dance?" she asked glancing down to signify her tummy.  
  
"Well, it's not like you're gonna be doing anything straining..." he responded. "And besides, you have me to lean on..." Rachel smiled. He convinced her, not that she really needed to be. He got up from his seat, and offered her his hand. Rachel took it kindly, and Joey led her to the dance floor. Once there, he delicately took her right hand with his left. He hesitated awkwardly before putting his right arm around her. He hoped to God she didn't feel him trembling. A new song began and he led her in a gentle sway...  
  
This is my last dance with you  
  
This is my only chance to do  
  
All I can do  
  
To let you know that what I feel for you is real  
  
This is the last chance for us  
  
This is the moment that I just cannot let end  
  
Before I know that there's a chance  
  
We're more than friends  
  
"Mmm...sweetie, this is so nice..." Rachel murmured by Joey's ear. Her breath sent tickling impressions throughout his body. The scent of her hair was cathartic. Joey was in heaven.  
  
"Mm-hmm," was the only response that could escape his mouth without giving away how much he was enjoying this.  
  
So don't let go  
  
Make it last all night  
  
This is my last chance to make you mine.  
  
I hid my feelings so deep  
  
I kept my dreams of you and me  
  
Somewhere inside  
  
Although I pray that you would see it in my eyes  
  
Joey suddenly noticed that the words of this song were incredibly ironic. He tried not to let it bother him. But was this a sign? The heavenly moment was ruined and then quickly replaced with a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. Should he tell her? Shouldn't he tell her? What to do?  
  
But this is my last chance to say  
  
What's in my heart before you fade out of my life  
  
And never understand the way I feel inside  
  
So hold me close  
  
Coz it feels so right  
  
This is my last chance to make you mine...  
  
When the song finally ended, he didn't want to let Rachel go. His entire body tensed up. Rachel noticed, "Honey, why are you so tense?"  
  
He shook his head like it was nothing and abruptly let his hand fall from her waist. "Uh, nothing...I just remembered something that I forgot to do earlier..." he couldn't think of a decent excuse.  
  
"Oh, well, was it important?" she asked worriedly. Joey led her back to the table. He helped Rachel back down into her seat.  
  
"Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal..."his voice trailed off. "Hey Rach, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go to the restroom," Joey said, without looking at her. The tone of his voice sounded so unnatural, Rachel knew something was up.  
  
"Sure honey," she said, smiling at him sweetly in hopes to ease whatever seemed to be bothering him. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to work. Joey left the table abruptly. "What is the matter with him," she questioned under her breath.  
  
Joey didn't go to the restroom. He looked for their waiter, paid for the bill, and asked him graciously if it would be okay for them to occupy the table for a little while longer. Joey explained he had something important to discuss with his dinner guest, and he didn't want it to be intervened. He hadn't done it during the meal, fearing that they would be interrupted at the wrong time. The waiter didn't mind the least, especially since it was a slow night for business, and Joey had been more than generous in tipping him. Joey thanked him, and briefly returned back to the table.  
  
"Okay Joey I can't take this anymore...what's goin' on with you?" Rachel asked concernedly. "What was with all of the silence and one-worded responses during dinner?" She looked at Joey, studying his face determined to find the answer.  
  
He ignored her words completely. "So Rach, how was your day today?" He asked, hoping she wouldn't hear the crack in his voice. She eyed him suspiciously, then let out a sigh, but went along with him anyway.  
  
"It was alright. Work wasn't as hectic as it had been now that the Valentine's Day promotions are over. We're basically just gathering fresh ideas for our spring line. I had lunch with Monica and I did a little window shopping," she said simply. "How about yours?"  
  
He said the following very rushed, "Uh, well...I only had to shoot three scenes today. I was on the set for maybe four hours, so it wasn't really a big deal. They're introducing a new character to play my nephew. He's a cool kid...VERY talented. Oh, and Chandler came by today and we watched the Knicks game on TV...that's basically it besides me being in love with you," Joey slipped those last words out breezily, but it was also accidental. The moment he realized, his eyes widened and he prayed Rachel didn't hear. She seemed to have not.  
  
She acknowledged everything he said, piece by piece, as she casually took a sip of water and spoke, "That's good to hear swee-" Sudden gushes of realization almost made her choke as she swallowed her water. She forced the last part of the word out, "-tie..." and sat shocked. She couldn't have heard right, could she? "I'm sorry, what did you say?" she slowly asked. Joey then knew she had heard. The expression on his face clarified Rachel's question.  
  
"Damn it..." Joey mumbled to himself frustrated. Rachel sat speechlessly stunned. She didn't know what to say, or think, or do.  
  
"Honey, are you...I mean, do you....Joey?" She could see how difficult a time he was having at explaining this. "Joey...it's me. You can talk to me..." Rachel said softly.  
  
"Rach, I swear...I-I didn't want it to be this way. You gotta believe me..." Joey said dejectedly. He looked down to control his tears. He couldn't bear to look weak in front of Rachel, especially since he knew the pregnancy had made her so sensitive.  
  
"Oh, Joey..." Rachel wanted to cry. Partly because her hormones were acting up again, but mostly because she could feel Joey's heart was breaking. She still didn't know how to react. "Joey I...I don't know what to say..." Rachel responded truthfully.  
  
"Rach, no-no pressure, okay? I-I don't really expect you to say anything. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did." Joey tried to keep his composure.  
  
"Joey you're my, I mean we're...best friends..." she couldn't hold it in anymore. She felt warm streams coming down her cheeks. Joey couldn't handle this. To be in love with her was one thing, but to make her cry was a whole different story.  
  
"Rach...sssshhh. It's okay. Really." He pleaded, trying to make his voice as convincing as possible. He came down on his knees next to her chair and embraced her as she cried on his shoulders. "Come on...there's no need to cry...forget what I said, okay? It was silly."  
  
Rachel almost got angry, "Silly? Joey, don't put yourself down..." She tried to compose herself by sitting up straight, smoothing out her hair, and wiping her face with a napkin. She nonchalantly looked around the restaurant and noticed people were watching her cry from their tables. "Joey, let's get out of here..." she sadly whispered to him. He nodded his head, and helped her up. They left the restaurant calmly, without speaking another word.  
  
In the cab, they didn't say much to each other. They didn't exactly know where to go from there. Occasionally, Joey would ask if Rachel was comfortable or if she needed anything, but that was the extent of their conversation. The ride home was basically a mixture of their individual clouded thoughts, one thought brought on by another.  
  
About a half an hour later, after fighting the congestion of NYC traffic, Joey escorted Rachel back to her and Ross's apartment. They stood at the door, Joey clumsily fidgeting with his hands while nervously looking down, afraid to say the wrong thing, and afraid to say nothing.  
  
"Umm, sweetie, thank you so much for dinner," was all Rachel could think of.  
  
Joey smiled, "Don't mention it, Rach." Rachel noticed how very shy he had been this whole night. Being nervous, being shy...being in love. This was so unlike Joey...He broke her thoughts, "Well, you should get inside. It's breezy out here in the hallway and Ross might be waiting up." Rachel carefully watched him as he said this. Then it hit her... Ross.  
  
"Jo-Joey, does umm...does Ross know about your-umm...?" stuttered Rachel.  
  
"Yeah. I-I wasn't going to tell you, because, well you know...but then, but then Ross told me to, so I figured...actually, I don't know what I figured. All I knew is that I didn't want to keep this from you." he explained. He then tried to change his tone to a more playful one, "You know me and secrets..." Rachel understood completely.  
  
"Oh Joey, this-this must've been really hard for you..." She walked up to Joey and put her arms underneath his and around his back. Her head leaned beneath his chin, upon his chest. Joey was too afraid to complete the hug with his own arms. If he held her, he knew it would be too hard to let go. He fought the fear, and took his chances anyway. "You need to know that no matter what, this doesn't change our friendship, okay Joe?" Rachel's muffled voice said against his shirt. "You're my best friend, and I love you."  
  
"I know...I love you too, Rach." He forced out. But inside, he knew the kind of love she felt, was completely different from the kind he felt. Still, her friendship was one of the most important things in his life, and he was grateful that she wasn't taking it away. They gently let go of each other, and stepped back. Joey gave Rachel a subtle, sad wave, before turning around and walking away. Rachel entered her apartment. She found Ross sitting on the couch with his laptop next to him. A pile of term papers were on the coffee table. Rachel took off her jacket meaning to hang it on the rack. Not paying attention, she missed the rack completely and her coat fell to the floor. One look at Rachel, and Ross knew Joey told her.  
  
"Rach...have you been crying?"  
  
"Is it that obvious?" she said half-heartedly. Ross put his laptop on the coffee table to make room for Rachel. She dropped her keys in her purse, and then put her purse on the floor as she sat down. Watching her, part of Ross wanted to know what happened so badly, but another part of him didn't. Obviously he wanted to be there for Rachel, she was his best friend, the mother of his baby...and she also used to be the love of his life. She isn't anymore...but she was. And the last thing he wanted to feel was jealousy, especially if it concerened Joey. He chose his words carefully.  
  
"So umm...what happened?" he asked quietly. Rachel looked him over skeptically. She knew Ross convinced Joey to tell her how he felt, but she didn't know why.  
  
"Besides the part where Joey told me he was in love with me?" she asked frustrated.  
  
"So, he told you, huh?" was all Ross could say. Rachel looked at him seriously. She sighed.  
  
"Ross, what am I supposed to do? I mean, I mean it's Joey, you know? How, how am I supposed to handle this?" her voice trailed off. Ross could see how worried and upset she was over this.  
  
"Well, I guess the first question you need to answer is...do you have feelings for him?" He fought to say these words.  
  
"I, I don't know...I mean, I never looked at him that way before...he's my best friend..."  
  
"Rachel...so were we..." Ross answered.  
  
"Exactly...and we broke up...and got back together...and then broke up..." she was on the verge of tears. She put her hands to her face and let out a soft whimper. Heartbreak was a familiar term when it came to the issue of "them." He vividly remembered the emotional turmoil they both experienced during many of their heated arguments...He remembered the aching, the frustration, the rejection, and the uncertainty that came with anything that dealt with him and Rachel as a couple...He remembered the constant attempts at trying to make it work, and the inevitable misery that came when they failed. At that moment, more than anything, Ross wanted Rachel to stop hurting...and that's when he realized the unexpected. Ross said the next words easily, full of contentment, and full of understanding.  
  
"And so were Monica and Chandler..." finished Ross softly. At those words, Rachel lifted her hands from her face and stared hard at him.  
  
She repeated what he said, in the form of a question, 'Monica and Chandler...?' Ross wiped her face with his thumb, realizing what he wanted for her. It wasn't the fear of being jealous towards Joey that bothered him. It was the idea of finally letting Rachel go...and finally accepting closure. He smiled sincerely.  
  
"Ross... our romantic history has been dragged on for nearly 8 years, even though we were only together for almost 2," whispered Rachel.  
  
"But, look at us now Rach...we're okay," Ross convinced. Rachel looked at him closely.  
  
"Are we?" she questioned. Ross nodded his head confidently. "Ross, we're having a baby together. We, we LIVE together...are you really okay with this?" she asked again.  
  
"Rachel, you are one of the most important people in my life. It would be impossible to change that." Ross gathered his thoughts. "We tried being together... numerous times...and we failed. We both know it can't work....What we have, NOW, is so much more special...and if there's a chance that you could be happy, especially with someone as great as Joey, you NEED to take it. You deserve that. And I want this for you..." Rachel sat there, lost for words and even more confused. "If I wasn't okay with it, trust me, you'd know," he smiled encouragingly at Rachel.  
  
"I-I still don't know where that leaves me..."  
  
"Like I said, the first question you need answered is: do you have feelings for Joey?" Speechless, Rachel continued to stare at Ross, his last question replaying over and over in her mind. Does she? Could she? All she did know, was that she needed time.  
  
Dun-dun-dun! To be continued...  
  
P.S. This fic included the song, "Last Chance" by Allure. 


	2. Joey Tries To Cope...

TOW Joey Loves Rachel 2  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters...sure wish I did though...  
  
  
  
Joey entered his apartment and quickly turned on the lights. He quietly closed the door and turned around to face the solitude that surrounded him. Shutting his eyes, he exhaled deeply, and leaned his back against the door. Home. Finally. He had hoped that once he was there, he'd feel safe somehow. He was wrong. It wasn't safety he was looking for...it was reassurance. The disappointment that tugged at his heart didn't compare to the foolishness that flooded it. He just wanted the night to end. He wanted to forget everything that happened. He wanted to stop loving her. But he knew that what he wanted was impossible. No matter where he was, his thoughts were inescapable. He looked down at his hands.  
  
I can't be losing sleep over this, no I can't  
  
And now I cannot stop pacing  
  
Give me a few hours, I'll have all this sorted out  
  
If my mind would just stop racing  
  
'How could I have been so stupid?' Angry thoughts invaded his head, 'You don't tell a pregnant woman who's having your best friend's baby you love her! She has enough problems of her own...' What did he expect Rachel to do? He shook his head in solemnity. 'It's my own fault I'm hurting...' he tried to reason with himself. 'It's my fault...'  
  
Cause I cannot stand still  
  
I can't be this unsturdy  
  
This cannot be happening  
  
Magnetically, his eyes wandered over to the doorway of the room Rachel used to occupy. He tightened his jaw. His eyes began to sting. This was too much. How did it get this far? This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to fall for Rachel. If someone had told him a year ago that he was going to fall in love, let alone with her, he would've laughed in their face and risked his life savings on the impossibility. He was unfamiliar with terms like "commitment" and "romance". That "mushy" love stuff wasn't his style. It was Ross's. It was Chandler's. It WASN'T Joey's. He liked the thrill of the chase. He liked bachelorhood: fast women; no strings; no complications. But now...now it's all changed. Now, even if he made that bet and lost, he wouldn't care if he ended up homeless, so long as he had Rachel. But he didn't. The one woman who's responsible for this, the only woman he's ever loved...didn't love him back.  
  
This is over my head but underneath my feet  
  
Cuz by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat  
  
And everything will be back to the way that it was  
  
I wish that it was just that easy  
  
'Maybe I just don't deserve her...'he thought. Maybe karma had finally caught up to him and was kicking his ass ten-fold. Hell, this was infinite-fold. He lost count of the number of hearts he'd broken, and cared very little. But now he realized that all of those cheap flings and one- night stands didn't compare to even a second of Rachel's company.  
  
Cuz I'm waiting for tonight  
  
Then waiting for tomorrow  
  
And I'm somewhere in between  
  
What is real, and just a dream...  
  
He hastily wiped the wetness from his face. He was not going to wallow in self-pity. Enough was enough. He tried this "love" thing. It obviously wasn't for him. 'Guys like me aren't made to fall in love,' he decided. He stood up straight to collect himself and pushed remaining thoughts of Rachel aside. Then, he headed for his room. Before turning off the lights, he stood at his bedroom doorway facing the emptiness of his living room. Unable to prevent a somber frown, Joey realized for the first time that he was experiencing loneliness.  
  
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in  
  
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again  
  
I don't want to run away from this  
  
I know that I just don't need this...  
  
Then the apartment went dark.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The next day...  
  
A harsh pounding on the front door wrecked the 2 hours sleep that Joey had mentally fought for the previous night. Annoyed, he tried to ignore it. Unfortunately, the knocks just got louder and more persistent.  
  
"Damn it all..." he mumbled. He knew it was either Chandler, Phoebe or Monica and the last thing he needed was a "sympathy" talk. He knew his friends meant well, but sometimes, they did a better job bringing him down when they were supposed to be picking him up. He got up lazily to answer the door. He opened it to reveal Chandler smiling goofily while holding a pizza, a six-pack of beer and a video cassette.  
  
"Hey man, did I wake you?" he asked innocently, knowing very well that he had. Joey gave him a cold stare. Chandler ignored it and walked in. "Soo...did you sleep well?"  
  
Joey looked at him in disbelief before answering, "It was kinda hard to tell seein' as how I wasn't finished-"  
  
Chandler cut him off, "Well, I brought food, booze, and a little *something* to cheer you up." Joey faked a loud yawn to give Chandler the hint to leave. "Trust me Joe, you are gonna LOVE this. It's ALL female with female." Joey stood with his arms crossed glaring menacingly at Chandler. "Oh come on!" he whined pleadingly. He changed his tone to be more sincere. "We haven't hung out for so long...I miss you, man." Joey tried not to smile.  
  
"Try again," he said. Chandler sighed.  
  
"Monica won't let me watch it unless it'll cheer you up..." he mumbled. "Why do you need the fantasy when you've got the real thing?" Chandler mimicked his wife. Joey smiled. He knew him better than anybody. After living with him for almost 6 years, it was hard NOT to know him. Still, Joey loved Chandler like the brother he never had.  
  
"Put the tape in," Joey said grinning. "And there'd better be extra olives on that pizza," he said as he caught a beer Chandler tossed him.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
After about a half an hour into the movie, Chandler couldn't stand it. Joey didn't seem to be enjoying it at all. He wasn't making any of the obscene comments he usually made during these "films". His eyes kept looking away from the screen during all of the "good" parts. Chandler turned the VCR and TV off with the remote and turned his chair to face Joey. He sat there for awhile, just watching him intently. Joey hadn't even noticed the TV was turned off.  
  
"Joe..." Chandler started. "Talk to me man." Joey turned to him aimlessly, his thoughts in complete disarray.  
  
"Huh?" he asked simply.  
  
"Tell me what happened last night Joe," Chandler said softly.  
  
"I already told you before I went to bed last night," Joey replied.  
  
"Uh, sayin 'Hey man, she turned me down, life sucks' and hanging up the phone isn't exactly telling me everything."  
  
"Well uh...where do you want me to start?"  
  
"How about at the beginning?" Chandler asked sarcastically.  
  
"I took her out to dinner. You knew about that though," said Joey. Chandler nodded his head. "We kinda danced, which was really cool, and then at the wrong time I said I loved her and I basically freaked out after that."  
  
"Wait back up...you danced?" asked Chandler in disbelief.  
  
"Yeah...it was so nice..." Joey lost himself in the memory. "It was so cute the way her hand fit into mine...and you shoulda smelled her hair..." Chandler watched as Joey's face turned into a mushy love-sick lump.  
  
"Wow Joe...you must really love her..." he said genuinely.  
  
"Yeah well, doesn't matter now. And besides, this is all for the best," he said trying to convince himself more than Chandler. "She's havin' Ross's baby. I dunno what I was thinkin'."  
  
"You were thinking, 'Hey I love this girl, maybe she loves me, I should tell her.' " said Chandler. "Don't beat yourself up about it. I mean, maybe Rachel's just, you know...practice or something until the right woman comes along. I think everybody has to get their heartbroken at least ONCE...Geez...look at what I went through just to end up with Monica..."  
  
"You make that sound like Monica's a bad thing," said Phoebe. Surprised to hear another voice, they simultaneously jumped in their seats. The guys turned to face the door and saw Phoebe standing there. "But don't worry, I won't tell her." She winked at Chandler.  
  
"Don't sneak up on us like that Pheebs!" cried Joey. "How the hell did you get in here?"  
  
"Oh please, like your door is EVER locked," she argues. "Oh by the way, don't go in your bathroom. I came over earlier and you were still sleeping so to kill some time I washed some delicate 'unmentionables' of mine in your sink. They're hangin' on the shower rack," she said nonchalantly.  
  
"Uh...okay," replied a confused Joey.  
  
"Wait, I've been here for almost 45 minutes and it's a little past 10. How early were you here?" asked Chandler. Phoebe noticed the video cartridge and ignored his question.  
  
"Oh hey! 'Women of the Amazon!' I watched this!" she says excitedly. "VERY sexy."  
  
"Oh yeah?" asked Chandler just as excited. He gets an idea. "You should tell Monica that! Maybe if you convinced her she'd watch it with me since that, you know, Joe kinda ruined the moment."  
  
"Yeah...hmm..." Phoebe thought. "Uh, no I don't think so." she replied simply.  
  
"Why not?!" asked Chandler incredulously.  
  
"Cuz' she's all, you know...Monica..." said Phoebe. "And besides, it would just make her unhappy with what she has." Chandler looked at her confused. "Meaning it would make her want a woman! I swear you can be so air-headed sometimes."  
  
"Oh." was all Chandler could say. Then he looked at her incredulously, "I can be air-headed? Me?" Phoebe nodded her head as she picked off a crust of pizza and ate it. "Oh...forget it," mumbled Chandler.  
  
"So Joe...how are you doing?" asked Phoebe cautiously.  
  
"Uh, hmm...you-you know how when sometimes you get really drunk and stupid and the next morning you wake up somewhere unknown and sleeping next to you naked is someone REALLY unattractive who you don't even remember meeting and it feels like your head's been just demolished?" he asked Phoebe.  
  
"Yuh-huh..."  
  
"Yeah well, it's a million times worse than that."  
  
"Man, don't exaggerate," said Chandler.  
  
"Dude, I'm not! That's how I really feel! I mean, look at it this way. I'm 31 years old and I barely found out what love was...It's gonna take another 31 years just to forget!" replied a depressed Joey.  
  
"Wait, forget??" asked Phoebe. "What do you mean forget? I'm sorry honey, once you make acquaintances with Mr. Love, you can't just brush him off..." She gathered her thoughts, "It's kinda like meeting the God Father..."  
  
"I just...guys, I can't do this...you know? I feel like my heart's been literary ripped from my chest and then stepped on...by elephants."  
  
"You mean literally," corrected Chandler.  
  
"What?! Have you not been listening? We're not talkin' about books Chandler!" Joey looked at him disbelievingly. Chandler didn't even bother to argue. Phoebe then walked over to Joey from where she was standing and sat on his lap. She stroked his hair in an effort to comfort him.  
  
"Joey...we've all been there..." she told him soothingly. "That's the thing about Love...it hurts a lot and sometimes you don't know why...but eventually, it'll be worth it. You'll see..." she kissed him on the top of his head. Joey tried hard not to cry.  
  
"Thanks guys...but umm...I think I just need to be alone for awhile...I'll give you guys a call later...maybe we can have dinner or something..." he said gravely.  
  
"Yeah, sure man," said Chandler sympathetically. "We'll be right next door if you need anything." Phoebe got up from his lap. She stood over him, staring hard at his face for a few minutes longer. She finally knelt down on the floor so that their eyes were level.  
  
"Joey...don't get me wrong, I love Rachel and all...but if she doesn't want the love you are SO willing to give, maybe-maybe she doesn't deserve you..." she said while keeping intense eye contact. Joey nodded understanding what she meant. With that, she and Chandler left the apartment leaving Joey to drown in his anguish.  
  
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Later on in the afternoon, Joey's door eventually received another visitor, this person knocking on it a lot more gently. He hadn't been able to sleep since Chandler and Phoebe left, but he still didn't want to be bothered. He walked heavily to answer the door and looked into the peephole. What he saw took him completely by surprise. He apprehensively opened the door while taking in a deep breath.  
  
"Rachel..." he whispered both confused and nervous.  
  
"Hi sweetie...can I come in?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Uh yeah sure, of course," he said moving aside so she could walk through. She went to go sit on the chair in the living room as Joey leaned on a stool by the kitchen. Before she sat down, she glanced around the apartment and noticed an unusual amount of women's lingerie hanging inside the bathroom. She started to wonder whether Joey's words last night were true, or just a hoax to get her in the sack. Or maybe he just got over women he fell for really easily. Or maybe he saw her as just another potential trophy...Wait a minute, who was she kidding? Joey would never do that to her, would he?  
  
"Umm, Joe, I-I don't want to seem nosey, but are, I mean there's like a shit-load of panties hanging in your bathroom and I-" she said bluntly  
  
"What?!" Joey exclaimed and looked over into the bathroom. He remembered what Phoebe said. "Oh! No, Rach...those are umm...Phoebe's. You see she was here earlier and she did some laundry..." he mumbled trying to explain.  
  
"Oh," said Rachel feeling incredibly sheepish. "It wasn't really my place to ask anyway I dunno, I guess the pregnancy has made me so stupidly curious I-"  
  
Joey cuts her off, "Rach, you can always ask me anything. Okay? I-I could never get mad at you..." he said locking his gaze on her. He tried to pry his eyes away, but once again he was defeated. She nodded quietly, and then slowly continued.  
  
"Joey honey, I think we should talk..." said Rachel as her voice trailed off.  
  
"Umm, okay..." he said unsurely. "About what?" he was afraid of the answer.  
  
"I-I just didn't like the way things were left last night," she responded. "I mean, we didn't even really get to talk this through..."  
  
"Rach," sighed Joey. "There's really nothing left to talk about..." he said sadly.  
  
"Joey of course there is...I mean, I don't want you to...I don't like seeing you this way...and maybe if we talked we could resolve-" she exhaled angrily. Joey could tell she was trying very hard not to blubber. "Damn it one hour! One freakin' hour is all I'm asking for and I can't even do this without crying for one minute! Where the hell did my sanity go?!"  
  
"Rachel, don't-don't say anymore okay? I can take it when you cry..." he looked away. She tried her best to continue and calmed herself down.  
  
"But Joey I need to talk-"  
  
Joey abruptly cut her off, "It was wrong for me to ever think that you'd feel the same, not to mention I was completely disrespectful to you and Ross because of the pregnancy...I mean, seriously..." she let him continue, intrigued and relieved that she finally got him to open up to her. "And just because I'm in love with you isn't a guarantee that you'll love me back...I know that I'm supposed to get my heart broken. I mean, that's what love's about, right?" Joey sighed. "I-I tried so hard to fight this, Rach." Rachel sat astonished, carefully paying attention to each word leaving his mouth. This wasn't Joey. This was...somebody different. This Joey was mature, and honorable, and...hopelessly in love with her...It was as if she was looking at him for the very first time. "I can't stand looking weak in front of you. I can't stand feeling so vulnerable and helpless when it comes to you. I wanted so badly just to make you understand how I feel...it's like every time I see you my heart leaps out of my chest and just drags along on your every word, and this scares the shit out of me because I've never felt like this, ever...and I'm even more afraid that I'm never going to be able to stop loving-"  
  
Joey's relentless venting was disrupted by a desperate kiss from Rachel, who, in an attempt to subside his frustrations, leapt off the chair impatiently to meet her lips with his. However, the simplicity of Rachel's intentions grew complex as the kiss lingered and deepened; allowing them to passionately search for the unexplainable. What they both received from that kiss was beyond profound... and completely unanticipated.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
This fic included the song "Somewhere In Between" by Lifehouse. 


	3. For the First Time...

The One Where Joey Loves Rachel 3: For the First Time  
  
Hey guys! Sorry it took me forever and a day to finish this fic! Okay, here's the conclusion. Hope you J/R shippers like it! Thanks for being so patient!  
  
Disclaimer: Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have these characters to own tonight...  
  
After a few lingering, breathless moments, their lips parted...and their eyes widened. Rachel stepped back as she gasped. She couldn't believe what she just did. Worse, she couldn't believe what she just felt.  
  
"Joey..." she whispered, still breathless. "What...what was that?!"  
  
"What?! You kissed me!!"  
  
She shook her head, trying to explain. "No...I mean what WAS that?!"  
  
"Huh?!" Joey was completely dumbfounded, and his mind was still whirling from that incredible kiss. Rachel didn't know how to explain. She stood there, lost for words, while Joey stared back, completely vulnerable and very confused.  
  
She swallowed hard and turned away. "Joey...Joey sweetie...I need to go."  
  
"Wait, what?! I-I thought you wanted to talk! I mean, that's why you came over here! To make things better, right?"  
  
"I-I know Joey...those were my original intentions but now..." Rachel lifted her gaze to meet Joey's. "But now...I-I think I've just made things worse...I need to go sweetie. I'm sorry." Rachel didn't even wait to hear his response. In the blink of an eye, Joey was left, standing in the middle of the living room alone. Again.  
  
"What the hell just happened?!" he vented out loud.  
  
***********  
  
Rachel desperately pounded on Monica's door hoping her best friend was home. This was just too unbelievable...  
  
"Rachel my goodness!! Like it's EVER locked!!" yelled an irritated Monica right in Rachel's face.  
  
"Sor-sorry! I guess I just had all this crap in my head I forgot..." Monica eyed her suspiciously. "Who's inside?"  
  
"Uh, nobody. Chandler's meeting Ross at the Coffeehouse, I think. I was just cleaning a bit before I made dinner."  
  
"Oh..." Rachel sounded distracted. "Well I bet you're really busy so, um, I'll just go..."  
  
"What? Rachel wait a minute!" Monica grabbed her arm before she turned away. "You pound on my door like some crazy pregnant lady and then you leave without telling me why?" Monica studied Rachel's face. She quickly put her hand over her mouth to prevent an excited scream. "You just slept with Joey!!" she squealed.  
  
"What?!?!?! Monica No!!"  
  
"Well then something else definitely just happened because you are absolutely crimson!"  
  
"Umm, can we NOT have this conversation in the hall?!"  
  
"Oh yeah, right." They walked into Monica and Chandler's. Rachel closed the door behind her. Monica stared at Rachel about to blow up. "Come on! Tell me!!"  
  
Rachel took a deep breath. All of the things she had felt in that kiss were still freshly imbedded in her skin...and now...in her heart. "Mon..." she said softly. "We kissed."  
  
"I knew it!" Monica was ecstatic.  
  
"I just...I can't believe...oh gosh Monica, what am I doing?!"  
  
"Huh? What do you mean, 'what are you doing'? You're *gettin'* some girly, that's what you're doing!"  
  
"No, it's not like that! I mean...I don't think it's like that! Do you think I'm feeling all of this because of my hormones?"  
  
"Wait..." Monica was confused. "What exactly are you feeling?"  
  
"I dunno...I mean," Rachel's face becomes entranced. "I feel like a teenage girl again, you know? Like the little tingles and everything else that comes with a first kiss. But, I know the tingles go beyond that. I mean, I definitely felt...depth there. It was so intense! I-I couldn't even stay in the same room with him after!"  
  
"Rachel..." cautioned Monica. "Are-are you saying you might have feelings for Joey?"  
  
She thought for a moment before she answered, "Is that what it sounds like?"  
  
Monica wanted to cry out of sheer joy for her best friend. "Oh. My. Gosh. Okay, tell me everything!"  
  
"Okay, when I got there-" Rachel's story was cut short by Phoebe entering.  
  
"Pheebs! Oh my gosh! Rachel kissed Joey!" yelped an unrestrained Monica.  
  
"What?!" asked Phoebe surprised. Rachel nodded her head sheepishly. Phoebe didn't now what to say. Something didn't feel right. She had just seen him earlier this morning, and she knew how much his heart was breaking. If this was such good news, why wasn't Joey there celebrating with them? "Rachel...where's Joey?"  
  
"He's in his apartment..." answered Rachel quietly. "Why?" Phoebe stared hard at Rachel, trying to read her face. She sighed.  
  
"Rach, I-I don't want to sound mean, but...if-if that kiss means more to Joey than it does to you, please don't...I mean...it's Joey, you know? Don't take advantage of his feelings for you..." Rachel locked eyes with Phoebe. After awhile, she slightly frowned.  
  
"You're right, Pheebs."  
  
Monica didn't understand. "What? Rachel you just said-"  
  
"No..." Rachel shook her head. "She's right..."  
  
************  
  
Joey was in his room holding Hugsy, contemplating yet again about how things were so screwed. Except this time, it wasn't his fault. It was Rachel's. SHE kissed HIM. And he was still completely miserable about it.  
  
"Joe!" yelled Chandler walking in the apartment. He knew Joey was home. He and Ross walked straight to Joey's bedroom and pounded on the door.  
  
"Joey come on, man!" pleaded Ross. "You've been in there all day!"  
  
"How obvious do I need to be to make you guys understand I WANNA BE ALONE!" yelled Joey from his room.  
  
"Obviously, not obvious enough. Maybe you should come out here to make it more obvious." Joey's bedroom door swung open to reveal him, very cranky.  
  
"Get out." he hissed.  
  
"See?! Now that wasn't so hard! Hey, since you're up! Let's all do something!" encouraged Ross.  
  
"Ross!! I don't wanna do anything! Shouldn't you be somewhere boring somebody about something?!"  
  
"Okay, you're lucky I'm gonna let that slide."  
  
"No-no! Don't give me any sympathy points! Who cares if the woman of my dreams doesn't love me! Or if I feel like my heart's drowning! Or if I am in emotional HELL!" He went over to the chair and slumped down lazily in it. Ross and Chandler exchanged "uh-oh" looks.  
  
"Joey..." started Ross carefully. "Pick yourself up, Joe...I mean...you're starting to scare me and Chandler. This-this isn't healthy, man."  
  
After a few moments, Joey looked up at Ross sadly. "Ross...how many times have you been in love?!"  
  
"Well uh...a few times I guess..."  
  
"And how many of those times were with Rachel?"  
  
"Uh, quite a lot..."  
  
"Okay good, so now you should know how I feel." Ross slowly nodded his head. He understood completely.  
  
"Joey...come on man..." pleaded Chandler. "You're like, A LOT worse than when me and Pheebs saw you earlier! You're supposed to be moving forward! Not back!"  
  
"She kissed me."  
  
"I know that you feel like crap and all but you just nee-" began Ross.  
  
"What?!" asked Chandler.  
  
"Wait, what?!" asked Ross.  
  
"Yup that's right. About a half hour ago she came over wanting to talk, I talked, she kissed me, and then she ran away, ALL IN ABOUT 10 MINUTES!"  
  
"She ran away?"  
  
"Pretty much..."  
  
"Well, well, what did she say?" asked Ross.  
  
"I dunno...she uh, I guess she kinda just flipped and left." Ross and Chandler grabbed stools and sat next to Joey.  
  
"Well that explains a hell of a lot..." said Chandler matter-of- factly. The guys looked at him weirdly. "I mean about Joey's attitude, not Rachel."  
  
"Well I mean...Rachel...Rachel is a lot harder to understand than most women...that's why I try NOT to understand her anymore. Most of the time I just nod my head and smile..." Ross tried to explain. "I mean...I DID fall for her, yes...actually, over and over...but now that I look at it...it took me almost FOREVER to realize she and I just aren't meant to be..." He looked over at Joey sympathetically. "Yeah, man...good luck with that," Ross mumbled.  
  
"Ah, yes. Thank goodness I fell in love with Monica because she is just *OH-SO-EASY* to understand!" Chandler said sarcastically. Joey looked at the guys incredulously.  
  
"Remind me to start locking my door! Oh, and to NEVER take relationship advice from you guys EVER!" and with that he got up and went to his room. Ross and Chandler knew Joey was going to be a lost cause for a couple days. They shrugged at each other.  
  
"Wanna get some coffee?" asked Chandler.  
  
"We just came from there," said Ross.  
  
"Yeah...so?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
**********  
  
Rachel entered Joey's apartment quietly. She walked over and gently tapped on his bedroom door. From inside the room, Joey was just about ready to fall asleep, a victory over the struggle he had been dealing with for awhile now. That slight tap on the door annoyed him to the point where he wanted to just kick Ross and Chandler's asses. 'Why the hell couldn't they find somebody else to bother?'  
  
"You guys are SERIOUSLY asking for a death wish!" He pulled it open, his temper ready to strangle the paleontologist and transponster...much to his surprise, again, it wasn't either of them. It was Rachel...very, very afraid.  
  
"I'm-I'm sorry Joey...I didn't realize you were sleeping...umm...that's-that's why I knocked *lightly*...." she stuttered to explain. Joey felt awful for having yelled at her, unintentionally.  
  
"It's okay, Rach." He began. He walked fully out of his room and into the living room. "I thought you were one of the guys..."  
  
"Oh, well, uh, I'm sorry to disappoint you," she said almost laughing. Joey forced a smile.  
  
"So...what are you doing here? I mean, I just didn't expect you to be back...so soon."  
  
She swallowed hard "Yeah well, I need to apologize...for earlier." Her voice grew serious.  
  
"Look, about the kiss, Rach, I mean, we can just go back to pretending it never happened okay? I-I don't want you to feel bad because obviously you made a mistake. It's okay, really." It pained Joey to say this. It pained Rachel to watch him say this.  
  
She shook her head. "No, Joey...it's not okay," she whispered, getting closer. She felt her eyes water.  
  
He continued, "But, but it has to be..." Joey watched as a single tear slid down Rachel's delicate cheek, over her lip, and off her chin. He bit his lip. "Rach...Rach please don't cry. You know I-I can't stand it when you cry..." Joey lifted his hand to wipe her face with his thumb. Rachel didn't take her eyes off his the entire time.  
  
"Joey, I'm not crying because I'm upset..." she whimpered.  
  
"Then...then why are you?" he asked, cautious.  
  
Rachel smiled as she gently leaned in to kiss Joey...again. Her hands traced down his arms until she felt their fingers link. Joey felt himself falling...  
  
  
  
Are those your eyes, is that your smile?  
  
I've been looking at you forever, but I never saw you before  
  
Are these your hands holding mine?  
  
Now I wonder how I could have been so blind  
  
Their fingers gently unhooked as Rachel's arms came up over his shoulder, Joey's arms around her waist...their lips still as one...  
  
For the first time I am looking in your eyes  
  
For the first time I'm seein' who you are  
  
I can't believe how much I see  
  
When you're lookin' back at me...  
  
Now I understand why love is, love is  
  
For the First Time  
  
As they gradually parted their lips and their eyes slowly opened, neither one of them was afraid anymore...  
  
Can this be real? Can this be true?  
  
Am I the person I was this mornin' and are you the same you?  
  
It's all so strange...how can it be?  
  
All along this love was right in front of me  
  
"Dance with me," whispered Joey.  
  
"There's no music," answered Rachel.  
  
"We'll make our own..."  
  
For the first time...I am looking in your eyes  
  
For the first time I am seein' who you are  
  
I can't believe how much I see  
  
When you're lookin' back at me  
  
Now I understand why love is, love is  
  
For the First time  
  
"What does this mean, Rach?"  
  
"It means...I think I'm falling in love with you..."  
  
Such a long time ago I had given up on finding this emotion ever again  
  
But you're here with me now  
  
Yes, I found you somehow  
  
And I've never been so sure  
  
Their bodies swayed to the silence of the room. Melodically. Simply. Perfectly.  
  
And for the first time  
  
I am looking in your eyes  
  
For the first time, I'm seein' who you are  
  
I can't believe how much I see  
  
When you're lookin' back at me  
  
"Thank you..." whispered Rachel.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For loving me so much..."  
  
Now I understand why love is, love is  
  
For The First Time...  
  
With the end of the song, Rachel and Joey's lips met, and not because either of them were trying to find, or explain, or end their feelings. This kiss symbolized the beginning.  
  
The end....  
  
P.S. This fic included the song, "For the First Time" by Kenny Loggins. 


End file.
